Rabbi Susan Lippe
May 19, 2004

You Are Important

Speech to the Palo Alto High School Sophomore Class

INTRODUCTION

Good Morning.

 I am honored to speak to you today.  I’m not going to try to change your lives right now.  Especially because most of you don’t even know me.

Here’s who I am: I’m a rabbi and an educator.  I’ve been working with teens for ten years.  I work with a couple hundred teens every year.

Part of me wants to tell you about all the teens I know.  The ones who cut themselves to relieve a little pain.  The ones who can’t climb out of depressions they don’t understand.  The ones who can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t focus.

And another part of me believes that it would be better for you to simply hear what I say and make your own decisions about my ideas.  You can ask questions or make comments at the end of my talk.  I’ll go first and then I’d like to hear what you think.

I’m going to tell you the truth as I see it.

This is what I’ve learned so far.

Each of you matter.  You are important already. Your life right now matters.  You are not your potential or your future.

Whatever you choose to do or be later in life cannot make you any more important than you already are.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES

Your first job is to take care of yourselves.

I know some of you are suffering too much to pay attention to anyone but yourself.  Some people may call you selfish.  But we know sometimes selfish is the only thing you can be.  I know that there are days and weeks when it’s all you can do to hold yourself together.

That’s more than okay.  That’s the most important thing.

Everyone has days when it’s all we can do to make it through school or work.  To brush our teeth.  To find shoes that match.

We all have nights when we are climbing the walls.  Nights when we are climbing out of our skin.

When you need it, give yourself a Minimum Day.  Really.  It’s not wrong to go easy on yourselves sometimes.  Find a healthy way to get through the hard times.

Take a breath.

Take a break.

Take a bath.

Take a nap.

Take a walk.

Take a swim.

Take good care of yourself.  That’s the main thing.

Preserving life is the main thing.  If your tough days or weeks stretch into tough months, then you owe it to yourself, and the people who love you, to get help.

Some of you feel alone, isolated.  Maybe your parents are your best friends or maybe the adults in your house are the last people you want to talk to.  That’s okay.  Your parents, your teachers, your coaches don’t have to be the people you turn to.  As long as you turn to someone.

There are school counselors.  There are hot lines.  There are warm lines.  There are support groups.  You don’t need to be alone.  Let somebody help you.

Some people who share their feelings with counselors or other responsible adults feel that their burdens are lessened when they are shared.

Some people who talk to their coaches or teachers find that these adults can refer them to activities, websites, books, music, articles, groups that provide them understanding, or solace, or comfort, or healthy solutions.

No system is perfect.  I know teens who have met irresponsible adults.  People who take advantage of them.  People who can’t be trusted.

To them and to you I say:  Be more demanding.  If someone takes advantage of you, find someone worthy of your trust.  Shop for counselors, therapists, clergy, youth advisors who can help.  Ask questions.  Demand what is healthy for you.

“Take care” is more than an expression. When people told her to “Take care,” my Grandmother used to answer “Nobody else will.”

Part of taking care of yourself is making sure you’ve got good help.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF EACH OTHER

You may not believe in God.  Some of you may never believe in God.  You may not believe that there is something divine or holy in our world.  I’m a rabbi but I didn’t believe in God until I was 21.

I see something sacred in you.  And I know you’ve seen it in each other.

Something inexplicable, something bigger than each of us, attracts you one to another.  That’s why friendships mean everything to some of you.  That’s why some of you are such loyal friends.

And your dedication to others stretches beyond personal friendships.  I’ve seen many of you give much more than you take.

What you do - who you are - is heroic to the people who need you.

I’ve seen you spend time with someone who isn’t cool – someone socially awkward – someone less able to socialize naturally.  I’ve seen you reach out to make someone feel more comfortable, more at home.

I’ve watched the way you interact with your grandparents.  I’ve heard you crack jokes with people whose lives are winding down, becoming more and more narrow or more and more slow.  I’ve seen you keep elderly people alive and alert just by sharing your lives.

I’ve seen you reach out to little kids.  Kids who need role models.  Kids who need support.  Kids who need attention.  Some of you are tutors.  I know some weeks you spend time on someone else’s homework instead of your own.  Some of you are big brothers or big sisters.  I’ve watched you give up time you don’t have for someone else who needs you.

Just by being yourself, just by bringing yourself closer to someone else, you bring meaning, and comfort, and strength to others.

And some of you have even found that, when it’s too hard to take care of yourself, taking care of someone else can bring meaning, and comfort, and strength to you.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR WORLD

You can make a contribution by keeping yourself safe and healthy.  You can make a difference by reaching out to an individual who needs you.

If you still don’t see how you can make a difference, think of all the teens who have made a negative difference in the world.  You know the stories of the teens who murdered a boy for being gay or raped a girl because she dressed like a boy.  Have you met the teens who steal or cheat?

Once you recognize your ability to make a difference, ask yourself:  Should I use my power for evil or for good?

Ask yourself:  What makes me angry?  Drunk driving accidents?  Racism?  Sexism?  Poverty?  Domestic Violence?

So, do something about it.  Make it better.  Do what you can.

Work at safe rides.  Volunteer on a teen crisis hotline.  Work on a political campaign.  March on Washington.  Volunteer in the children’s hospital.  Or at Ronald McDonald’s House near the Mall.

When you stand up for what you believe in, you make a big contribution just by being there.

Did you see the movie Spiderman?  With Toby and Kirsten?  Do you remember the ending?  Spiderman reminds us that “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.”

Even without super powers, you have power inside you.

Your responsibility first and foremost is to yourself.

When you are healthy and strong, or healthier and stronger, then your responsibility grows in larger and larger circles around you.  Take care of yourself.  Take care of your friends and family.  And, when you are ready, take care of what you can in the world around you.

Even though he is a figment of someone’s imagination Spiderman has a lot to teach us.  Do what you can to repair what is broken in our world.  There is a lot you can do.  Don’t waste the time you have.

The one thing we could teach Spiderman, however, is something Buffy the Vampire Slayer knew:  Find people to rely on.  Surround yourselves with a few people you can trust.

That’s why Buffy the Vampire Slayer became the school counselor.  Because there are people like me on the other side of 21 or 31 who want to help you take care of yourself. 

You don’t have to be alone.  We have each other.