Jane Stepak
Yom Kippur 5769
October 9, 2008

I believe that when I am my most authentic self, I am happier, more productive, and more at peace with myself and others in my life. 

Seven years ago was one of the first times that I took a close look at my truest self.  It was then I realized that to be my most authentic self my search for a life partner would be gender-independent.  I had more confidence in myself than ever before and knew that each of my characteristics was as God intended.  It also became clear to me that God provides the spark for the love that each of us has for one another.

It is this love that helped me find my beshert, Shoshi, seven years ago.  We met at a Rosh Hashanah lunch and got to know each other during the next year.  It was that next Elul that Shoshi asked me to be her Teshuvah partner.  We met several times and reflected together on the previous year and laid out personal goals for the next year.  I remember the first time I cried during one of those meetings and I knew this would be a relationship in which I felt safe, one in which I could share my deepest truths. 

Shoshi is now my life partner, my soul-mate, and my closest confidante.  She is someone I dream with, learn with, laugh with, cry with, play with, and pray with. She is there for me through thick and thin.  When we’re faced with something hard, she holds me and re mind s me that we’ll make it through. We have made a life commitment to each other.  We composed the words of our ketubbah to represent this commitment and sanctified it, so far, in a Jewish wedding ceremony.  Now that the California Supreme Court has legalized same-sex marriages we plan to have a civil wedding along with two other Beth Am couples that will be part of a community-wide educational event on Marriage Equality to be held at Beth Am on October 19^th.  That day there will also be speakers on a range of topics political, legal, and religious and a time for some good discussion.  It would be our greatest joy if you all would join us.

When I look out at all of you, I’m re mind ed of my family and I imagine there is a spectrum of views on same-sex marriage among us.  I think of those in my family who love me with all their hearts and at the same time have had a mixed response to our marriage.  I feel grateful that we are able to sit together, tell our stories and speak from our hearts.  If I had the opportunity to do that with you, I might tell you about the Jewish home that Shoshi and I have made and how we enjoy singing zemirot around the Shabbat table on Friday night.  I might tell you how we designed and made the chuppah for our wedding and how we had both sets of our parents help tie the tzitzit, the fringes on each corner, and offer us blessings as they were doing it.  I would invite you to join us at our Shabbat table so we would have a chance to listen to your stories, your hopes and dreams.  

Some might ask why marriage is necessary.  I believe that our society is strengthened when two people who love each other and are ready to make a life commitment to each other are afforded the privilege of having their union legally recognized by the State.  It’s hard to look at the deed of our house and see each of our names on it followed by the phrase “an unmarried woman” and at the same time to feel married in so many ways.

I’ve probably been to over 100 weddings in my lifetime and have had tears of joy running down my cheeks at most of them.  When Shoshi and I have attended weddings together we have shed tears of joy for the couples and at the same time are saddened to think that the two of us, who have pledged a lifetime of love to each other, might not have the opportunity to say we are lawfully wedded life partners.  I imagine a wellspring of energy will flow from us when we stand by each other’s side on the day of our civil wedding when Rabbi Marder says by the power vested in her by the State of California she pronounces us legally married. 

Being in Jewish community is important to us and we are grateful beneficiaries of all the Beth Am community has to offer. Our spirits are lifted by the welcome we have experienced as a couple and the friendships we’ve made.  We have enjoyed chanting Torah and Haftorah and attending services and other events and look forward to getting more involved.  I believe that with a solid foundation of a marriage recognized not only by the Jewish community but also by the State, we will be poised to give our greatest gifts to the Beth Am community and also to the wider community.

I remember when Shoshi and I were planning our Jewish wedding we wished we could have invited more people.  We imagined easily filling Flint Center if we didn’t have to set any limits.  I never anticipated that two years later I would be standing here, in Flint Center , inviting all of you to our wedding.  I’m re mind ed of the words of Henry David Thoreau when he said “If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”   I believe that we can begin to live our dream even before it is fully realized and I wish that for each of you as we welcome the New Year 5769.  G’mar chatima tovah.