Elena Zusmanovich

July 28, 2006

Dvarim

Shabbat Shalom!

It’s my first time when I speak in front of this congregation, and it‘s a big honor.

Actually, when I was suggested  to talk today, I was in doubts: do I have a right to interpret the words of Torah for you, for people, who are wiser and more knowledgeable, than me. Plus my accent…Who am I? Do I really dare?

So, I decided to reread the Torah portion again, and, as I expected, I’ve found an explicit answer to my questions and to my doubts there. Well, of course, you can always find in Torah what you are looking for. This time I was looking for encouragement.

This week Torah portion is the first chapter of the last, fifth book – Devarim (meaning” words”in Hebrew).. And the chapter itself is called Devarim too.

There are not so many events, no much action in this part of Torah. Devarim is a book of thoughts, reflection, analyses and conclusions. For Moses it’s a review of all his life, for the Jewish people –  summary of their experiences on  the long-long way to the Eretz Israel.

Moses talks to the “all Israel ”, all the people, and he reminds them the biggest sins, the biggest mistakes, Jewish people committed. There are many themes in this chapter, but the central one is  the sin of the spies.

I’m not Moses, but let me also remind you, what happened on the second year of Exodus  …

The 12 spies were sent to scout the land of Canaan . The spies came back and reported that the land is great, beautiful, rich and …unconquerable. They said  the people who lived in that land are fierce and frightening, and their cities are large and well fortified. At this point, the Jewish people had a choice: either to believe the spies, or to believe in God's assurances that all would be well. But the spies’ words brought terror and despair to the hearts of the Israelites who began to shout and weep, and they refused to follow God’s order to conquer the land . As a consequence, the nation was sentenced to 39 more years wandering in the desert. Those who were guilty in this act of distrust died in the desert and never entered the Promised Land. Moreover, this sin happened to be bigger and heavier in God’s eyes then other misdeeds. The day, when the spies return to the Jewish camp, and the Jews cried and yelled in despair without a real reason,  became the cursed, the saddest day in our history – Tish’a be Av, a day of destruction of the both Temples, a day of pain and sorrow for all generations.

Why?

I suppose many of you here are about the same age as me – midlife. Traditionally, it’s time of reflections, analyses of our own road to our own personal Promised Land.

Ioseph Brodsky wrote "Turning back, we look but only see old ruins".

Well, maybe not only ruins, but many failures and  breakdowns – that’s for sure. And also I recall the moments when I had a chance, I could make dramatic changes, make something important in my life. Sometimes I did, but more often I did not. And these lost opportunities are probably the most troublesome things in my memories.

Like another not so serious poet Ogden Nash wrote:

No, you never get any fun

Out of things you haven't done,

But they are the things that I do not like to be amid,

Because the suitable things you didn't do give you a lot more trouble than the unsuitable things you did.

But what are the reasons of this “sin of omission” ? – fears, laziness, shyness… I’m not absolutely sure, but most likely it was a lack of confidence, a lack of trust – in myself, in my abilities - in the God’s presence in my life, it was my fear of myself, fear of my own inner power.

This  kind of irrational behavior is actually, a wide-known phenomenon, described by many famous psychologists. Freud, Pier Janet, Maslow  - all of them wrote about the fear of action, not because of weaknesses and potential failure. No, people are afraid of the potential success, afraid of being stronger, more talented than others, of being visible, of being different. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.We don’t want to leave our comfort zone, safety zone - place, we know, even if this place is our personal “ Egypt ”, our spiritual jail. It’s still the familiar territory.

And the Promised Land is unknown, unsafe, and scary.

The Hebrew spies told about the awful giants, they saw in Canaan . The “giants” inhabiting our imagination are born by our anxiety.

And because of these hesitations, lack of trust, we sometimes betray ourselves, our best talents, our God. What is the punishment? –  as it’s described in Torah -  years of wandering in spiritual desert.

Our Jewish mystical teachings do say that after death a person will be shown what he (she) accomplished in life - compared to what he could have done had he taken full advantage of earthly existence. In fact, it is the soul's sense of embarrassment at the realization of what could have been accomplished,  remorse, that is, according to some sources, the Jewish definition of "hell”.

Yes, according to Torah, soon after this night of crying and despair, the Jews came to their senses and immediately declared, "we will go up and fight like Hashem has commanded.”, but it was too late. Hashem said to Moses "Do not arise and fight for I am not with you." I won’t be among you.

I suppose each of us can recall these lucky periods in our lives, when we succeed just in everything we try. Like a guardian angel or God himself hold our hands and lead us through all the obstacles and troubles. And, probably, each of us can recall the heavy feeling of emptiness, when  God looses the grip of our hands, and we don’t feel this  support anymore.

In 1967, Israeli paratroopers captured the Old City and made their way to the Western Wall. Many of the religious soldiers were overcome with emotion and leaned against the Wall praying and crying. Far back from the Wall stood a non-religious soldier. His friends asked him, "Why are you crying? What does the Wall mean to you?" The soldier responded, "I am crying because I don't know why I should be crying."

What was the great loss from the destruction of the Temples ? It is the loss of feeling God's presence.

As always the words of Torah could be applied both to the particular life and destiny of a particular person – me, you, and to the whole our nation, to Israel .

Today Israel is under fire. My parents live in Haifa . And whatever I’m doing now I can’t stop thinking about them, about the war.

Many years ago my mom was a little girl in the besieged Leningrad . Those, who wanted to destroy my people, bombed and shelled the city. Now almost 65 years passed, and again those who want to destroy my people bomb and shell the city, where my mom lives.

But my mom is strong and she isn’t afraid of it. And I know, she will overcome, she will win this war.

Israel will win this war - just she shouldn’t be afraid, not be ashamed of being strong, powerful, of  being right.

In the Torah chapter “Devarim” Moses addresses  the generation born in freedom, in the wilderness. Not them, but their parents were guilty in the sins, Moses mentioned;  their parents had committed the faithless deeds and perished in the desert.

Moses’ words were not rebuking, but warning. We shouldn’t repeat the mistakes of our ancestors, we shouldn’t repeat our own mistakes.

In the very beginning I mentioned that the name of this Torah portion Devarim means “words”, but there are many connotations. It is interesting to note that Devarim and the previous Torah book Bemidbar (in the desert) both share the same Hebrew root davar. Like Moses and the Israelites, each of us must travel through our own midbar (desert)  in order to fully understand our role in life. It’s inevitable. But the length of this road depends on us.

Let’s support not those ten guilty spies, who scared us, but other two - Joshua and Caleb , who calmed and encouraged Jewish people “This land is good. We are strong. We must go forth. We can do it”.

Let’s trust in our true callings, let’s try to fulfill our potential.  Today. Because tomorrow may be too late!

Let’s not be afraid of our strengths, let’s not be ashamed of being gifted.

As Moses said : “Have no dread or fear. None other than the Lord your God, who goes before you, will fight for you”.

And I do believe, each of us, and the people of Israel itself, will be able to reach and enter our Promised Land.