Jessica Mann
Confirmation 5768
May 3, 2008

The Butterfly and the Volcano

It was the end of the summer, just after I finished second grade. It is hard now to remember a time when I was so young and innocent. There was a wonderful butterfly exhibit at that time in the Franklin Zoo in Boston . Although both of us had gone to this exhibit before, my very good friend, Raleigh, and I decided to ask her father if he could take us to visit the exhibit one more time before she and her family left on an end-of-the-summer trip to Costa Rica .

Even at 8 years old, I was already a nature lover, and so was Raleigh . We were already planning our careers as veterinarians, working out in the wild. Each of us was a fanatic about nature, but together we were insufferable. Raleigh ’s father had no choice but to acquiesce.

It was a magnificent exhibit. Thousands of butterflies of all varieties, all trapped in an enclosed tent. These were certainly tame butterflies, inured to the usually threatening proximity of so many people, and willing to alight occasionally on an outstretched finger or an unsuspecting head.

But one butterfly landed on Raleigh and could not seem to let her go. At first frozen and unwilling to frighten her new companion, Raleigh slowly realized she could carry around this beautifully winged creature on her hand without losing its trust.

It seemed forever that this tiny but lovely creature accompanied us around the exhibit, clinging to Raleigh as if it could not bear to let her go. It was as if the butterfly suddenly feared separation, feared the uncertainty of what lay ahead. But it did eventually separate from us, and after that last wonderful visit to the butterfly exhibit at the Franklin Zoo, I separated from Raleigh as we said goodbye.

Of course, it was only for a week or so until she and her family would return from Costa Rica . Raleigh was so excited about all of the amazing natural wonders she would see on this trip to the tropics. But most of all, she couldn’t wait to visit the magnificent Arenal Volcano, with its glowing lava and hot springs .

It turned out that her father was not up for the big hike on the chosen day, so he stayed behind while the “girls” went ahead to the volcano. In the end, I’m sure he asked himself many times if this had been a blessing or a curse, since it became his fate to receive the phone call informing him that his wife and only daughter had been engulfed in an unexpected, violent eruption of volcanic ash and were in critical condition with third degree burns over most of their bodies. Raleigh died about a week later in an intensive care unit in Texas ; her mother underwent many surgeries and eventually survived, but with the shattered life they had left behind on the tarmac in Logan Airport .

I would like to say that Raleigh ’s death immediately tore me to shreds, that I cried for days and days. But instead, I was simply in shock. I did not cry at all. At least not at first. At age 8, it was a struggle for me to really comprehend what it meant that I would never visit the butterflies again with Raleigh , that I would never enjoy her wonderful infectious laugh, that I would never get to be a veterinarian with her. It was even longer before I understood what her loss meant beyond just its implications for me – what it meant to her family, to her bereaved and guilt-ridden father, and what it ultimately meant to her. How horribly unfair it all seemed. How senseless.

How could God have caused such suffering to those who had done nothing wrong? I have wondered many times about the “punishment” inflicted on Raleigh ’s family; it makes even less sense to think about what Raleigh herself could have done to deserve her own fate.  Of course, the traditional Jewish view of God is that He is so infinite in His powers and wisdom that He and some of his decisions are incomprehensible to our finite sensibilities. Still, there are parts of the bible that try to reassure us that the universe does follow the logic that we perceive to be “the image of God” with which we, as humans were created. For example, the prophet Isaiah states in chapter 3, verse 10: “Tell the righteous it shall be well with them, for they shall eat the fruit of their deeds. Woe to the wicked, it shall be ill with him, for what his hands have done shall be done to him.”

But Raleigh did not get to eat the fruits of her kind deeds. In his seminal book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” Rabbi Harold Kushner rejects the idea that God meets out good and bad in accordance with the merit and evil of people’s deeds. In fact, in order to begin to understand this awful paradox that ultimately tests any religious beliefs, Kushner concludes that God does not will these terrible things to happen, but that He has limited himself according to the laws of nature He created, and according to the “evolution of human nature and human moral freedom.”

Instead of God being the object of our outrage, Kushner suggests that God, Himself, is outraged by these terrible events. He offers Himself as a consolation and support for those who have born these tragedies and who look into themselves for the strength to carry on and make meaning out of their suffering, and out of the rest of their lives.

Rabbi Kushner points out that it is particularly difficult to understand the suffering of the righteous. In poor Raleigh’s story, there was yet another layer of tragedy: As soon as the fiery eruption began, the young tour guide who had accompanied Raleigh and her mother picked up the young girl and disregarding any attempt at protecting himself, he carried her as fast as he could down the mountain to a car that would bring them to a hospital. When they finally arrived at the Emergency Room, the young man passed off the girl from his burnt hands and collapsed, only to die that very night. But for a hero like Ignacio Protti, we can say he died living up to an extraordinary ideal. It actually can be even more difficult to understand why bad things happen to ordinary people at ordinary times. Ironically the family of a lost war hero may have an easier time than that of a young girl stricken by a random illness or volcanic eruption. And yet, Rabbi Kushner points out that for those of us that can look for inner strength, these are precisely the opportunities we can take to infuse meaning into what might otherwise become an empty life. Instead of asking "why did this happen to me?" Kushner recommends asking “the question which opens doors to the future: Now that this has happened, what shall I do about it?"

Raleigh ’s story also brings to mind another profound element of the Jewish view of life. In the Talmud, Rabbi Eliezer is quoted as saying: "Repent one day before your death.”  When his disciples ask him, "Does then one know on what day he will die?" the great rabbi answers, "All the more reason he should repent today, lest he die tomorrow."

This story represents a wonderful Jewish reinterpretation of the credo Carpe Diem, or seize the day. Instead of exhorting his students to “Eat, drink and be merry,” Rabbi Eliezer emphasizes that time is short not just for physical pleasure, but also for the pleasure that accompanies spiritual accomplishment. We all take for granted the very precious gift of life itself. As we lose ourselves in the constant struggle for material success, whether it is in school or at the workplace, we assume that life will always go on, we tend to believe that we are invulnerable.

Although I was not ready to understand it at the time, I now realize that Raliegh’s story reminds us all of how precious and how fragile our lives really are, as precious and as fragile as those of the butterflies. Life is short, and how much more we must therefore try every day to take advantage of this great opportunity to live, to do good, and to enjoy what it means to be part of God’s miraculous world. Two of us went to enjoy the butterflies that day in August, but only one of us is left now to carry on the memory of that wonderful day. I am determined to accept that amazing gift of life and make the most of what I can, and to help those around me appreciate their gifts and their opportunities, as well.