Sam Wolfe
Confirmation 5768
May 3, 2008

“You Shall Be Holy” Ends

            Shabbat shalom. Today’s Torah portion is Kedoshim, from the book of Leviticus. A section in chapter 19 is known as the Holiness Code, in which God tells us how to live our lives so that we may live as a holy community. Among other things, we are commanded to leave “the corners of our fields” for the poor, to be courteous to those with disabilities, and not to “go about as a tale teller.”

            Some of these rules are easy to follow in our everyday lives. Donating to the less fortunate anonymously is something we are encouraged to do, and in our environment here at Beth Am, it is very easy to do so because we have tzedaka boxes all over the place.

            Helping the disabled, or more specifically “not placing a stumbling block before the blind” is also relatively easy. I feel it’s a safe assumption that no one in this room has purposely harmed a handicapped person. The third mitzvah, however, is a touch more difficult. Has anyone here ever gossiped or started a rumor? It’s fun, right?

            Permit me to set up a scenario: you're in high school, it’s lunchtime, and you’re very eager to talk to your friends. You get your food, you sit down, and you start to talk. Let’s browse some of the possible discussion topics. You can talk about “that party last weekend,” or you could talk about how Mr. Whatshisname is simply the worst teacher of all time, and list his faults to make yourself feel better about the test you just failed in his class.

            Let me use my friends in this hypothetical example. I know when I talk with my friends; eventually we will reach the topic of that party. We’ll talk about “who’s dating who” and “what were they wearing?” and especially, “why weren’t we invited?” Eventually someone will say, “ Well, I’m glad that we stayed home playing ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ instead.” In any case we will probably end up talking about whom we don’t like at the school.  In other words, we are gossiping, saying negative things about someone else.

            The mitzvah of avoiding gossip actually says that we should not be a person who goes around passing along rumors and information behind other people’s backs, whether it is positive or negative. Even that guy who talks about “my son, the doctor” is actually being an unethical Jew. There are three levels of unethical speech in our tradition. The first and least serious level concerns non-defamatory speech that is true. Talking about your friends and their achievements -- what could be wrong with that? Well, let’s say that Jerry had a party, and it was awesome. The next day you’re telling your friend Joe about how great Jerry’s party was. But your friend wasn’t invited; yeah, that’s a self-esteem booster, now the friendship between Jerry and Joe has just hit a rough patch that could have been avoided.

            The second level of unethical speech is making negative but true statements. These kinds of remarks can also damage the relationships between people, as you cause them to think less of someone they might have liked. The third and worst form of unethical speech is the negative, false statement, for obvious reasons. These kinds of rumors can ruin a person’s life.

            So with all these types of unethical speech, what is left to talk about? You can’t talk about your friends, can’t talk about the latest celebrities, and can’t complain about your teachers. But there is one thing left to talk about which really brings us closer to a holy community: we can talk about ourselves, and we can talk about  the person we’re talking to. All too often we hide our feelings and our problems behind another person’s problems, and we make ourselves feel more important by putting other people down.

            But if we just talk about ourselves and the people who are with us, we build a closer relationship with our friend and understand each other better.  

Recently I had a disturbing experience with unethical speech. Somehow, someone in my class found a list of all the students that will be attending my school next year. There was one new kid entering my class. I was in a study hall at the time, but as soon as word of this new kid spread, the people around me instantly dropped their work, and logged on to “Facebook”. They found the incoming classmate, and I heard a roar of laughter and mean comments. They didn’t know anything about this kid, but already they were calling him names like “geek” and “loser.” They hadn’t even met the guy. Something as atrocious as that would never happen in a holy community.

            So what, then would a holy community look like? I imagine that in a holy community, even in high school, all people would be free to share their feelings and problems, and everyone who listens would be understanding and helpful. No one would talk about others behind their backs and relationships would become a lot more personal. People would focus on each other, and in doing so; get to know each other better.

            While it is something we should strive to make a reality, the holy community that the Holiness Code describes may not be attainable. But that shouldn’t discourage us from trying to get closer to it. I think we should welcome the challenge of trying to get closer to the utopia we read about in Parshat Kedoshim. I know that I’ll think about what I say a little more carefully before I say it from now on.