Rabbi Janet Marder

September 8, 2006

Happily Ever After

         I am usually in a bad mood. I am usually in a neutral mood. I am usually in a good mood. I am usually in a great mood. I am usually in an unbelievably great mood.

         I’m going to read those five statements again. Please raise your hand when you hear the one you agree with most:

A. I am usually in a bad mood.

B. I am usually in a neutral mood.

C. I am usually in a good mood.

D. I am usually in a great mood.

E. I am usually in an unbelievably great mood.

     This question is part of “ The Authentic Happiness Inventory,” developed by psychologist Christopher Peterson.  You can find it, along with lots of other entertaining questionnaires, on the “authentic happiness” website, run by Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the University of Pennsylvania ’s “ Positive Psychology Center .”  Dr. Seligman is the founder of Positive Psychology, which, refreshingly, focuses not on illness and dysfunction but on what makes for a happy and fulfilling life.

     Thanks to this new trend, there has been some interesting research in recent years on the anatomy of happiness. The first big discovery in this field was that our propensity for happiness has a strong genetic component – thanks, Mom and Dad – and that every human being seems to have a “set point” – a natural  “baseline” level of happiness, largely inherited, to which we eventually return, no matter what happens to us.

      How does the “set point” work? Let’s say something fantastic happens to you – you win millions of dollars in the lottery. Or something horrible happens – you’re in an accident and lose the use of your limbs. At first the lottery winner is ecstatic; the paraplegic is in despair. But it turns out that people adapt rather quickly to changes in their circumstances. They get used to their new situation, whether it’s better or worse, and after several months, believe it or not, they’re about as cheerful, or gloomy, as they were before. Each of us comes back to our particular brain’s “default” setting – like our own emotional thermostat. There are two exceptions to this rule, by the way: people who lose their spouses or their jobs often take a few years, not months, before they return to their “normal” level of happiness.

     So if you accept this finding – and not everyone does – it seems that our basic level of happiness depends largely on how we did in the genetic lottery – that is, it’s mostly a matter of luck.

     This view, brought to us by modern science, is surprisingly similar to the view of ancient peoples that we don’t have much control over how we fare in life; joy and sorrow are determined mostly by chance or fate. It’s interesting that in many Indo-European languages, the word for “happiness” is related to the word for “luck.” In English, for instance, we first come across the word “happy” in the 14^th century, when it meant “lucky,” derived from the word “happ”  -- meaning “chance, fortune; what happens to us.” We still see that meaning in the modern words ‘happenstance,” “haphazard,” “hapless” and “perhaps.”

     The second big discovery in recent years is that environmental and demographic factors don’t influence happiness as much we might think. Good-looking people are generally not happier than less attractive people. One sex is not happier than the other. The young are not happier than the old – in fact, a sense of happiness seems to increase slightly with age.

     Overall, married people are happier than single people, but that might be because happy people are more likely to get married. People living in sunny California are not happier than those stuck in freezing Midwestern winters, though both Midwesterners and Californians seem to think they are.

     Even money doesn’t matter much to happiness.  Very poor people who struggle every day to meet their basic needs have lower levels of happiness, but once you reach the ability to afford basic food and shelter there’s little correlation between income and well-being. The rich are only slightly happier than those in the middle class.

     In fact, as we acquire more money and possessions, we quickly adapt to them and our expectations rise, putting us on a hedonistic treadmill, where we run like crazy to get ahead but never raise our overall sense of well being. The sad truth, psychologists say, is that many people spend their lives chasing after things that they think will make them happy, but they grossly overestimate the happiness they’ll actually gain from those things.

     Some behaviors do seem to lead to greater happiness, suggesting that, regardless of the disposition we inherited, we can alter our own internal happiness thermostat by practicing these behaviors. People who have positive, close relationships with friends and family and spend significant time with loved ones are happier and healthier. Social isolation, says Harvard Professor Robert Putnam, is as big a risk factor for premature death as smoking

     Exercise and laughter reduce stress hormones and enhance the feeling of well-being. Deliberately cultivating a sense of gratitude by counting one’s blessings and expressing appreciation to others leads to greater happiness.  So do performing deeds of kindness, helping others, engaging in meaningful work or other activities that challenge and engage us fully, and practicing a religion.

     I want to focus on that last one tonight. Why are religious people happier? What is it about religion that promotes happiness, and what does Judaism in particular have to say about being happy?

     In the past few years more than a thousand scholarly articles in academic journals have examined the relationship between religion and mental health. These studies show that people who practice their religion are less depressed, less anxious and worried and less suicidal than nonreligious people. They are better able to cope with such crises as illness, divorce and bereavement. It seems that the more people incorporate religion into daily life – regularly attending worship services, reading the Bible, praying or meditating – the more positive emotions they experience and the more satisfied they are with their lives. I promise you, I’m not making this up. [See Time Magazine, January 17, 2005, pp.46-47].

     Psychologists say that practicing a religion increases happiness for several reasons. First, religion provides social support. The word itself is derived from the Latin “religio,” meaning “to bind together,” and one of religion’s primary purposes is to build connections – to link us with our ancestors, and with others who share our faith around the globe; to form friendships and to weld disparate individuals into a caring community.  Those who participate actively in a religious group have a sense of belonging. They matter to others; they regularly give care and attention and can expect to receive it in return.

     Second, religion provides spiritual support – a sense of oneness in the universe; a connection with God, an appreciation of the beauty and wonder of creation; a sense of compassion for all life. Practices such as singing, chanting, shared rituals, directed breathing and meditation reduce stress and foster feelings of comfort, peace and joy.

     Third, religion offers us purpose, direction and meaning in life. It invests us in a project greater than ourselves; it links us to ancient wisdom and higher values, gives us a powerful shared narrative that defines who we are; assures us that we are here for a reason, and helps us, together, find structured ways of expressing our purpose through action. Religion actively combats despair and cultivates hope. For some, religious faith provides the assurance that life has enduring meaning even beyond the death of the body.

     Finally, religious people are happier because most religions strongly discourage dangerous, debilitating behaviors such as adultery, theft, workaholism and substance abuse. In a culture of rapacious narcissism, rampant consumerism, and moral relativism, religion offers the clarity of moral guidance. It encourages people to jump off the hedonistic treadmill and find more lasting means of fulfillment.

     What about Judaism?

     I know that some of you are convinced that Jews don’t know how to be happy – that it is in fact against our religion to be happy, because we specialize in misery and guilt. Not true! The Hebrew word  “ashrei – happy” actually occurs many hundreds of times in the Bible, Talmud and Midrash. What’s interesting is that happiness is almost always described as the result of something else. The pursuit of happiness is never put forth as the purpose of life. For Judaism, happiness is the by-product of doing those things that are the purpose of life.  

     For instance, the Bible calls “ashrei” those who act justly, who are kind to the poor, who are mindful of God, who do mitzvot, who seek wisdom and study Torah, who support themselves through their own labor and who sit down to eat with a loving family around the table.

     Maybe these are not the activities that first come to your mind when you fantasize about having fun. But the Bible is concerned with happiness, not with fun. It wants to speak about a feeling that is profound and enduring rather than transient and fleeting. It teaches us how to attain a deep sense of joy, contentment and meaning, rooted in the knowledge that our life is worthwhile. For the Bible, happiness has nothing to do with moods that come and go; it is a matter of character.

     Most important, our tradition does not envision happiness as the result of chance or luck. It says instead that happiness derives from making conscious, deliberate choices. Some of these choices are negative: we decide not to be consumed by work or the desire for wealth; we avoid the company of cynics and negative people, who sap our energy and lead us in harmful directions. Some are positive choices: we make time for family, for learning, for Shabbat; we try to overcome selfishness and consider the needs of others.

     For Judaism, happiness is not an accident of fate, dependent on good or bad fortune, or whether we’re born with a cheerful, upbeat temperament. Regardless of what happens to us, the Bible says we can construct a life that is fulfilling.

     Let me end with a beautiful description of the happy person that comes right at the beginning of the book of Psalms:

         “Such a person is like a tree planted beside streams of water,

         which yields its fruit in season,

         whose foliage never fades,

         and whatever it produces thrives.”

     Picture a tree securely rooted in the earth, continually nourished by underground streams so that it never withers, even in times of drought; a tree that stays green and luxuriant, offering shelter to many, bearing fruit even in old age.

     That’s the Bible’s image of one who is ashrei – deeply and truly happy: a steadfast, resilient individual; sustained by strong principles; deeply rooted in the moral teachings of Torah; generous, productive, helpful to others; refreshed and renewed at every stage of life. Such people are richly blessed, and they know it. Their happiness is not dependent on good fortune; it comes from having the inner resources to withstand the winds of adversity.

     Such happiness grows slowly, over time, as we choose to invest ourselves in what really matters.  Consciously we shape a life that is strong and beautiful; grounded in purpose, guided by our deepest beliefs; linked to others in love.

     Great moods come and great moods go, but the happy life, for Jews, is the good life. And that’s why when the new year comes, as it soon will, we wish for each other a shana tova – a year of goodness, in which we try to become good people and to do good things.

     May we grow as trees planted by the water, and may it be a good and happy year for all of us.

[For more on the happy life, see The Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt (Basic Books) and The Pursuit of Happiness, by David G. Meyers (William Morrow and Company).]